Part 3

Just then, Tapper and Duncan appeared on the scene while Papa Smurf was telling his story to Empath and Polaris. "Greetings, my fellow Smurfs," Tapper said. "I hope that I wasn't interrupting anything important smurfing on here."
"Oh, I was just smurfing Empath and Polaris about the time that the whole village had to deal with the issue of smurfnip, Tapper," Papa Smurf said. "I hope that you're well prepared for tonight's festivities regarding Lazy's smurfday party."
"Aye, that I am, Papa Smurf," Tapper said. "The only regret is that I can't smurf Lazy what he really wants for his smurfday, though I hope he will settle for the next best thing, which is a selection of aromatic herbs that he can smurf for his evening tea."
"Knowing him, he'll probably be smoking the teas to see if that will smurf him the high he wants," Duncan said.
"It's probably for the best that Lazy isn't given what he really wants for his birthday, Tapper," Empath said. "By the way, Papa Smurf said that you were chosen to be the head of this Smurf No To Smurfnip campaign in the Smurf Village some years ago."
"'Twas an interesting hat that I had to smurf on top of being the village bartender, my good Empath," Tapper said. "I was looking for a way to convince my fellow Smurfs that smurfnip wasn't the way for us to experience feeling smurfy, and so I turned to my fellow Smurf Handy for something inspirational for the both of us."
"What were you hoping that Handy would create for you that would assist you in your efforts to educate your fellow Smurfs about smurfnip, Tapper?" Polaris asked.
"I remember about a year after Smurfette became a member of our village that we were celebrating her first smurfday, and Handy told me that he wanted to smurf her a special present that he called smurf-colored glasses, which would enable its wearer to smurf things as being better than what they really are," Tapper said. "So with a frame of glasses and some rose-colored lenses that he smurfed into a rainbow while reciting some magic words he remembered Papa Smurf smurfing when it came to rainbows, the smurf-colored glasses came to life and Handy smurfed himself in a pool's reflection as being handsome as a prince."
"So Handy was hoping Smurfette was going to wear them and see him as that handsome so that she will fall in love with him, but it just didn't turn out like Handy planned it," Empath guessed.
"Unfortunately not for him, Empath," Tapper sighed. "You see, Gargamel had smurfed up a storm spell so that he could capture Smurfs that would be smurfed into his net, but the only thing he smurfed was Smurfette, and this was when she was smurfing the glasses, so she ended up smurfing Gargamel as being really handsome, as Smurfette had told me. Needless to say, Gargamel didn't like this one bit that Smurfette was now smurfing him through the smurf-colored glasses."
"So how did you Smurfs rescue Smurfette in that instance, Tapper, and what became of these 'smurf-colored glasses'?" Polaris asked.
"Well, just as Gargamel had Azrael corner Handy and the lads when they have smurfed to his hovel to rescue Smurfette, Bigmouth the ogre paid the wizard a visit, smurfing for food in his house to eat," Tapper said. "That's when Papa Smurf had Bigmouth smurf on the smurf-colored glasses, and from what I remember Narrator smurfing me, the ogre smurfed Gargamel and Azrael as being something delicious, and so he chased after them while smurfing the glasses."
Empath laughed. "Well, that was a very amusing story, Tapper."
"It certainly is, Empath," Papa Smurf said. "It almost makes me regret that you weren't there at the time to witness it firsthand."
"Such a shame it didn't help the laddie get Smurfette, Empath, but it all smurfed out for the best for him anyway, since the lassie didn't really need the glasses to like him the way he was," Duncan said.
"Anyway, the smurf-colored glasses is what I was thinking of when Handy told me about that, and my thought was smurfing together a pair of glasses that would simulate the effect of somebody being under the influence of smurfnip," Tapper said. "Handy started work on what would soon be called the Hallucinator, and the first time I smurfed those glasses on, I felt that they were effective enough to smurf the job."
"And that was when the Smurf No To Smurfnip began, my little Smurfs, although that was also when something else began that I did not smurf my permission for," Papa Smurf said.

And as Papa Smurf continued to tell the story, Empath and Polaris saw that most of the Smurfs were gathered around the speaking mushroom for an important message from Tapper Smurf.
"Thank you for smurfing all here together," Tapper said. "For the next few days, you will be smurfing about the importance of smurfing a life free of smurfing substances like smurfnip. Now I know some of you would smurf as a hypocrite because I am a bartender who smurfs you fermented drinks in the tavern, but I have always been a Smurf for moderate and safe use of such drinks, and I am also concerned for the health and safety of my fellow Smurfs."
"What is this Smurf No To Smurfnip campaign of yours supposed to feature, Tapper?" one of the Smurfs asked.
"Today Qubey has volunteered to teach his fellow Smurfs the importance of good health through physical exercise, while tomorrow Culinary will teach you the importance of good health through safe and proper eating habits," Tapper said. "There will also be other types of demonstrations that will smurfed to you through the help of my good friend Handy, who has volunteered his smurf and craft to this campaign."
"All right, you Smurfs, who has smurfed together this unlawful assembly?" Brainy said as he and Hefty approached the crowd, wearing special uniforms.
"Gosh, Brainy, why are you and Hefty smurfing together in those funny clothes?" Clumsy asked.
"You shall address us as Officer Brainy and Officer Hefty, Clumsy," Hefty said, sounding rather stern.
"Sacre bleu, M'sieu Officer Hefty, what is the meaning of smurfing these uniforms?" Painter asked.
"It just so happens that me and Hefty have just become the first members of the Smurf Village Police Department," Brainy explained. "We will be patrolling the village to make sure every Smurf is smurfing the straight and narrow. I will be smurfing up the tickets for any Smurf that we catch smurfing an infraction of the law, and Hefty will deal with those who decide to smurf either of us any trouble."
"Brainy, who smurfed you permission to smurf this police force of yours together?" Tapper asked.
"Uh...nobody did, Tapper, but if Papa Smurf was present, he would be smurfing his full cooperation and approval for this project," Brainy said. "So again, I ask you who smurfed together this unlawful assembly?"
"This 'unlawful assembly' has been approved by Papa Smurf, laddies," Duncan said. "If you've got an issue about it, Papa is the one that you should be addressing."
"Aha...smurfing a police officer! Smurf him a ticket, Officer Brainy!" Hefty said.
"With pleasure, Officer Hefty," Brainy said as he wrote up a ticket on his notepad and handed it to Duncan.
"This is totally ridiculous, my fellow Smurfs," Tapper said. "You're smurfing up a ticket just for Duncan smurfing you an answer to your question?"
"That's right, and we'll smurf up tickets for anyone who smurfs to oppose the law around here," Brainy said, waving around his notepad. "So unless you want all of us to smurf you up one for being unsmurfy toward a police officer, I'd suggest that you smurf your own ways immediately."
"Duncan is right, that this assembly has been approved by Papa Smurf," Tapper said. "None of us are leaving until we are finished smurfing about the Smurf No To Smurfnip campaign."
"Oh...well, then, since we're on the same side on the issue of smurfnip, I'll allow you to carry on as long as the crowd smurfs in control," Brainy said.
"Smurf you in court, Gutsy," Hefty said as he and Brainy moved on while he was twirling around his baton on a string.
"The name is Duncan, laddie," Duncan said, scowling at Hefty.
The crowd turned back to Tapper, who then said, "Don't worry about Brainy and Hefty, my fellow Smurfs. We won't be smurfing anything in this campaign that will require anything of Papa Smurf or any other Smurfs to stop, as long as we all know how to behave ourselves."

Then Qubey began his part of the campaign, as the Smurfs all gathered around him wearing their workout clothes. He blew his training whistle to get every Smurf's undivided attention. "It's important that in order to live right, you've got to smurf yourself into shape and smurf the right kinds of food. I know that not many of you like to play sports, and not all of you my favorite type of sport, but what about when you have to smurf away from Gargamel and Azrael whenever they're smurfing after you? You think you're going to last against those two when your lungs are smurfed with smoke? I don't think so."
"So how is this supposed to help us smurf no to smurfnip?" one of the Smurfs asked.
"It's simple...you care enough about your body, you're going to want to smurf it into shape as often as you can smurf it," Qubey said. "Now I'm going to smurf you through some warm-ups to get you ready and smurfing for the tough stuff that will really get your heart smurfing. And just to make this part fun, I've got Orbit with his smurfesizer who will smurf you some music to smurf you into the rhythm. Everybody all set?" He waited to see most of his fellow Smurfs nod. "And with a one and a two..."
And soon the Smurfs who were gathered with Qubey began their warm-up exercises to the rhythm of Orbit's music, doing the best they can to follow their instructor's lead as he took them through one routine after another. Most of the Smurfs could feel themselves getting out of breath rather quickly as the warm-ups proved to be rather exhausting to perform. But there were a handful of Smurfs that kept going and going as if they had all the energy in the world to keep exercising.
"Really, is that the best any of you can smurf?" Qubey said, disappointed in his seeing most of the Smurfs getting exhausted too soon and slowing down until they stopped altogether after the song on Orbit's smurfesizer had ended. "Look at these few Smurfs who are still smurfing...I bet those Smurfs are not going to end up smurfing in Gargamel's cooking pot when all is said and smurfed."
"I hate being in Gargamel's cooking pot," Grouchy said between pants.
"This is inspiring me to create An Ode To Physical Exhaustion," Poet said as he collapsed from his warm-up exercise.
"Mon ami, this is just too much exertion for me to smurf," Painter said as he also collapsed.
"Wow, this sure is a lot of hard work just to smurf no to smurfnip, Qubey," Clumsy said as he kept tripping and falling trying to keep up with the rhythm.
"When do we smurf a break for some meals?" Greedy asked when he felt himself getting short of breath.
"You will smurf a meal break when it's time for lunch and dinner, Smurfs," Qubey said. "Come on, we're not finished with our exercises. Now that we have our warm-up, it's time to smurf some running and jumping so that we can smurf on our toes when we need to escape from Gargamel and Azrael at a moment's notice."
"You heard the boy, laddies," Duncan said. "Let's get a smurf on and get ourselves smurfing on our feet already."
Most of the Smurfs groaned as they picked themselves up and followed Qubey as best as they could into the forest for some running and jumping exercises.

Meanwhile, Lazy, Nabby, Chatty, and Nosey were sitting together near the edge of the village in a secluded spot, the four of them all smoking herbs.
"This whole thing is a laugh...the Smurf No To Smurfnip campaign," Chatty said between puffs on his cigarette. "All four of us can see that it's just an effort for Papa Smurf to deny us one of the pleasures that we smurf in life."
"Yeah, we have a right to smurf what we want with our own bodies, don't we?" Lazy said.
"I don't know if what Tapper and Papa Smurf is smurfing is all that bad," Nabby said. "I mean, he's not stopping us from smurfing what we want altogether."
"That's what you really think, Nabby, that Papa Smurf's not trying to stop us from smurfing smurfnip with this campaign?" Nosey said.
"Well, what I really meant was that...," Nabby began to speak.
"Smurf your brain and think about this for a moment," Chatty said. "This whole campaign is being smurfed by Tapper the bartender, who most likely wants us to be smurfing fermented drinks instead of smurfnip because if we stopped smurfing those kind of drinks, his tavern would smurf out of business. You know how much he doesn't want us smurfing inside the tavern and all that, forcing us to smurf outside if we want to enjoy a smurf."
"Yeah, what will we smurf if it rains and we want to enjoy a smurf?" Lazy said.
"Nobody smurfed a cannon to our heads and forced us to smurf up this habit, you guys," Nabby said. "We chose to smurf this because it made us feel good and different from the other Smurfs. If Tapper doesn't want us to smurf our pipes and cigarettes inside his tavern, I think he's got a real good reason to smurf it."
"He's got a reason, all right, that he just doesn't like smurfers like us," Nosey said. "And if he had his way in the village, everyone will be forced to give up smurfing and will have to smurf up all the habits his Almighty wants us to smurf just because He said so in His holy book."
"Tapper and his holy book," Chatty scoffed. "This village was much more smurfy before he decided to take what his book smurfed him to do very seriously."
"Yeah, his Almighty sure doesn't sound like He wants us to smurf any fun around here," Lazy said.
"Look, I know we don't agree with Tapper, but are we just going to smurf him out of the village all because he won't let us smurf in his tavern?" Nabby said. "He hasn't stopped us from smurfing our own fun before, and I don't think he's ever going to start smurfing it now."
"But that's just how it starts, isn't it?" Nosey said. "One by one with all the laws and rules that get smurfed, everything that is fun around the village is made illegal, and before you know it, every Smurf is a criminal. Papa Smurf might as well just brainwash us like the Psyche Master does Empath and remove all our emotions so we would be no better than those Psyches."
"I can't believe that this is what you Smurfs actually think, that all Papa Smurf wants to be is like the Psyche Master," Nabby said. "Papa Smurf doesn't even like him and what he's been smurfing to Empath during the years that he's away from us. There's just no way that he's ever going to smurf over us like we're just a bunch of mindless smurfs."
"Then I guess you haven't noticed how Papa Smurf's been smurfing at Smurfette since she became one of us, Nabby," Chatty said. "If there's one thing that's going to make Papa Smurf turn into the absolute leader of the Smurf Village, it's going to be what he smurfs with Smurfette. Just wait and smurf."
"All right, you Smurfs, what's smurfing on over here?" Brainy asked as he and Hefty arrived on the scene wearing their police uniforms.
"Oh, hello there, Brainy and Hefty," Lazy said. "We're just peacefully smurfing a conversation with each other."
"Yeah, and most likely smurfing your minds with that smurfnip that you're so fond of, Lazy," Hefty said.
"Well, what's wrong with that, Hefty?" Chatty said. "We're not harming anyone else with what we're smurfing here."
"Possession of smurfnip is considered illegal in the Smurf Village," Brainy said as he wrote up a ticket for all four of the Smurfs. "You will each smurf a fine of fifty smurfberries and give up your pipes and cigarettes right now."
"Oh, come on, Brainy, this is just ridiculous," Nabby said as he and the three Smurfs with him received their tickets.
"That's Officer Brainy and Hefty to you four gentlesmurfs," Hefty said. "Come on, surrender the smurfs before I make you surrender them."
All four of them groaned as they handed over their cigarettes to Brainy and Hefty.
"Thank you for your cooperation and have a smurfy day," Brainy said as he and Hefty left the scene with the cigarettes in their possession.
Chatty growled when he saw Brainy and Hefty smugly walk off with the cigarettes. "You smurf what I mean now, Nabby? This whole village is going to end up as a police state with those two Smurfs arresting everybody for every little thing that they smurf, even if it doesn't smurf anybody else any harm."
"So what if they want to bust us for smurfing our cigarettes around here?" Nabby said. "They can't catch us smurfing out in the forest with this stuff. It's too big a place for them to patrol anyway with just the two of them."
"But what if they decide to increase their numbers, Nabby?" Nosey said. "I'm not sure that I'm going to like that there's no place in this world that can escape the smurfful eye of Papa Smurf and the Smurf Village Police Department."
"Yeah, that will be a really scary situation if smurf comes to smurf when that happens," Lazy said with a yawn.
"I'm not worried, you guys," Nabby said. "They'd have to burn the entire forest to the ground if they're going to get us to stop smurfing smurfnip."
"Don't be surprised if that ends up being what it smurfs, Nabby," Chatty said with a hint of foreboding in his voice.

Sometime later, when the Smurfs have returned from all the exercising they did together as a group and had their lunch, Duncan led them in a discussion held at the Smurf Theater.
"Smurfing no to smurfnip may seem like it's the easiest thing to smurf, but sometimes it isn't, especially when some Smurfs might use tactics such as peer pressure to get you to smurf things that you don't want to smurf or that you shouldn't smurf," Duncan said. "That's when you got to smurf yourself up for battle with what I would call 'the armor of the spirit'."
"'The armor of the spirit'?" the Smurfs said in unison, wondering what he meant.
"It's invisible armor that you should be smurfing every morning when you wake up that protects you from smurfing things that you shouldn't," Duncan said. "Here I have some samples of real armor to smurf you what I mean." He picked up a shield and held it up for the other Smurfs to see. "Here we smurf is your shield of faith, with which you will be able to smurf the fiery darts of the evil ones out there in the world. They will smurf you all sorts of attacks, but as long as you smurf this shield up when the attacks smurf, rest assured that they won't smurf near you."
"Gee, I wonder how this is supposed to help me smurf no to smurfnip," Clumsy said quietly to Dimwitty.
"I don't know either, Clumsy, but it would sure be fun to watch," Dimwitty replied.
"And here we have the breastplate of righteousness, and the only way you can smurf this breastplate is with the belt of truth, or else your breastplate will be smurfing all over the place," Duncan said, showing them the breastplate and putting it on along with the belt. "The truth is that you know you are better than anyone or anything that will smurf you otherwise, and you know that you don't need things like smurfnip to make you feel good."
Then Duncan showed them a pair of shoes that looked like they were made for combat. "These are the shoes you will need to smurf to make yourself ready to face the battle ahead of you, that whatever temptation smurfs your way, you need to be ready to face it or flee, whichever of the two will smurf you out of trouble."
"Mi amigo, yo no necesito un par de esos zapatos para sacarme del apuro," Zipper said.
"Come on, Zipper, say it in Smurf if you want others to understand you," Spinner said.
"And that smurf us to our two last important pieces of armor," Duncan said as he picked up a helmet. "The helmet will save you and shield you from anything the enemy wants to smurf in your head to make you think that you need smurfnip to make you a smurfy person." The last thing Duncan picked up is a sword. "And now that you have your defense, you will need a good sword, the sword of the spirit, that you can raise up to anyone who tries to offer you something bad to make you feel smurfy, and say a definite no to them."
Then Sneaky came up on the stage, dressed in a long trench coat and looking like he was hiding something. "Pssst...hey, Smurf, I've got some good smurf that will really make you fly," Sneaky said, producing what were actually sugar pills. "What do you say? A free sample is all I'm offering."
"You smurf yourself away from me with that stuff, laddie," Duncan said, raising up his sword toward Sneaky. "The only answer I will smurf you is no."
"Oh, come on, all your friends are smurfing it," Sneaky said. "You wouldn't want to be smurfed by yourself as the only Smurf who isn't smurfing this drug now, would you?"
"I know who my real friends are, and my real friends wouldn't be smurfing drugs, you smurfer," Duncan said rather fiercely. "Now begone and don't let me smurf you ever again!"
"All right, all right, I see that you're not interested...but don't think that I won't smurf after your friends," Sneaky said as he sneaked his way off the stage.
"You see, laddies?" Duncan said, raising up his sword in victory. "If you're got 'the armor of the spirit' on, nobody will ever force you into smurfing things that you don't want to do. So when you smurf up in the morning, don't face the day until you smurf yourself ready for battle with your armor."
All the Smurfs in the crowd cheered for Duncan's demonstration, including Papa Smurf, who was with Smurfette and Narrator watching over Baby Smurf. Soon after the demonstration, Tapper joined them as well.
"I see that the first day of the Smurf No To Smurfnip campaign has been well-attended, Tapper," Papa Smurf said.
"It smurfed off to a slow start, with most of the other Smurfs not being physically fit as Qubey would have hoped, but Duncan's demonstration of 'the armor of the spirit' has seemingly intrigued a great deal of Smurfs in the audience," Tapper said.
"I wonder how successful it will be in the long run to get Smurfs to refuse smurfing smurfnip, Papa Smurf," Smurfette said.
"Only time will tell, Smurfette," Papa Smurf said. "For now it seems that Tapper and his volunteers know what they're smurfing in getting the information out to their fellow Smurfs about how dangerous living a life of being addicted to smurfnip can possibly be."
"Rest assured that there will be plenty more things for the Smurfs to learn and experience tomorrow, Papa Smurf, with something that Handy has smurfed up for such an occasion like this," Tapper said.
"Oooh, I can't wait to see for myself what Handy has smurfed for this Smurf No To Smurfnip campaign, Tapper," Smurfette said, sounding eager to know.
Baby Smurf babbled something that sounded like he also wanted to know for himself.
Papa Smurf chuckled. "I'm sure that it will be quite a surprise for all of us, Baby Smurf."