Empath's personal journal.
After the success of his first movie, Smurf Wars: A New Hope, Actor decided to go behind the camera once again to produce another movie, this time on an entirely different subject matter and with a bit of humor. He decided to create a horror film that would have the Smurfs star as themselves, though none of the Smurfs in the village actually play themselves because these are all Imaginarium-created versions of every Smurf in the village with this smurf, Baby Smurf, and the Smurflings somehow left out of it. Tonight is the night that the movie will be playing at the Smurf Theater for everybody to watch. This smurf hopes that everyone will be entertained by it just as they were entertained by the outer space fantasy film.
The village was in quite a stir as all the Smurfs had gathered at the Smurf Theater, all eager to see the result of Actor's latest film effort. All the Smurfs were given tickets by Brainy Smurf as they entered one at a time and went to the refreshment stands being operated by Greedy and his kitchen crew to get something to eat before the show started.
"I can't imagine what kind of horror story this is going to be, Empath," Smurfette said as she sat by him in one of the seats with her box of popcorn in hand.
"Actor has been very secretive about the details, Smurfette, which makes this smurf even more curious to find out for myself," Empath said.
"You are going to smurf beside me through the whole thing?" Smurfette asked.
"Don't worry, Smurfette...whatever frightens us on the screen, we'll be frightened together," Empath said.
"You are aware that this is just what you call a 'motion picture' being projected on a screen, which cannot in any shape or form cause physical harm to any Smurf, Empath," Polaris Psyche said as he was sitting next to Empath.
"Just because something doesn't cause physical harm doesn't mean that it can't be scary to watch, Polaris," Empath said. "We have both endured terrible forms of punishment and agony during our years of training in Psychelia together, and we have both survived it."
"Indeed we have, Empath, and it's not necessarily something that this one would wish to undergo again in the foreseeable future," Polaris said. "Still, this one would surmise that this form of entertainment would be less torturous for us to watch than anything the Psyche Master has subjected us to."
"Who knows, Polaris, if you might find something in this horror film that would be disturbing in any way, besides us Smurfs acting like savages like we normally do," Empath said.
"You do not need to be insulting about my views of the Smurfs, Empath," Polaris said.
"This smurf was only kidding with you, Polaris," Empath said. "Just sit back and enjoy the show."
"Oh, come on, Empath, you didn't need to smurf your friend Polaris like that," Smurfette said.
"Polaris knows that this smurf never means to offend him, Smurfette," Empath said. "It just wouldn't be his nature to be that sensitive to that kind of joke."
"About us being savages?" Smurfette asked. "Really, I thought you outsmurfed that kind of thinking."
"This smurf has outgrown it for the most part," Empath said.
"Well, why don't you prove it by not wearing that shirt you always smurf?" Smurfette said.
Before Empath could say anything more, he was interrupted by Actor Smurf calling everybody's attention toward the stage when he appeared on it.
"Thank you all for smurfing to the debut of my latest film tonight," he said. "I know I'm still smurfing on the sequel to Smurf Wars, and I promise you that it will be smurfing out sometime soon. But in the meantime, I'm going to be smurfing you a horror film that makes us smurf at ourselves as Smurfs and see what kind of world we smurf in when we're not careful of what we're smurfing when it comes to the food that we smurf every day. And so tonight, I bring you...SALAD SMURFS!"
"Salad Smurfs?" every Smurf in the audience said together.
"I hate Salad Smurfs," Grouchy said.
"So don't be frightened, because it's only a movie," Actor said. "And so without any further ado, let's roll the camera and get the movie smurfed."
Every Smurf in the audience cheered as Spinner started up the movie projector and saw the spinning 5, 4, 3, 2 on the screen before the theme music played a haunting tune and everybody saw
SMURF CINEMAS PRESENT
AN ACTOR SMURF PRODUCTION
And following in styled letters... SALAD SMURFS
And then on the screen was a black-and-white image of the Smurf Village with Narrator standing in the scene. "Hello, fellow Smurfs. Today I will be smurfing you on a journey into a Smurf Village much like your own, with Smurfs doing everyday activities much like your own, where things end up smurfing not quite as they seem."
And as Narrator stepped away from the scene, the Smurfs in the audience saw themselves in the movie doing their ordinary everyday things: Handy working in his workshop, Painter working in his studio, Sculptor working in his studio, Brainy working with Papa Smurf in his laboratory, Poet working outside reciting words he had written on a scroll, and so on and so forth. Everything didn't look anything out of the ordinary for the Smurfs that were in the movie.
And then Greedy came outside his kitchen and rang the dinner bell. "Come and smurf it," he cried out.
Most of the Smurfs dropped what they were doing and headed straight for the dining hall where they sat at the tables with their napkins tied around their necks, waiting for the meal to be served.
"Oh, please, I can't smurf it anymore," Nabby said, acting like he was starving. "Quick, smurf on the food...I'm smurfing from hunger." He laid his head on the table and let his tongue hang out.
"Smurf it off with the dramatics, Nabby," Chatty said, "and don't think you can smurf me with this act."
"Well, it was a pretty good act, anyway," Nabby said. "My brother sure loves to smurf his time getting the food ready."
"As long as it's good when it's ready, Nabby," Handy said. "I was so busy in my workshop today, I can't wait to smurf the kind of meal we're having."
"It's sure good to smurf up an appetite from all that hard work," Hefty said.
"WE'RE HUNGRY! WE'RE HUNGRY! WE'RE HUNGRY!" Party kept chanting as he banged his silverware in his fists upon the table.
"That is just so immature of you, Party Smurf, acting like Greedy has to smurf you food right on the smurf by smurfing your fists on the table," Brainy scolded.
"WE'RE HUNGRY! WE'RE HUNGRY!" Party continued to chant, paying no attention to Brainy.
"Enough!" Brainy snapped. "Smurf yourself good at the table and wait patiently for the meal, or I will tell this to Papa Smurf."
But Party's chanting got the other Smurfs joining in one by one until the whole room was filled with "WE'RE HUNGRY! WE'RE HUNGRY!"
And soon Greedy emerged from the kitchen, carrying a big pot. "Voila! Here it is!" He went through the tables and ladled out the contents of the pot into each Smurf's bowl. "Today we'll be smurfing vegetable stew."
The Smurfs looked at what was in their bowl, and found themselves in disbelief. "That's it?" one Smurf asked as he saw Greedy go back into the kitchen.
"Bleah," the Smurf next to him said, sticking out his tongue at the sight of what was in his bowl. "This stew's all black, and it's got bad smurfs in it."
One by one the Smurfs got up from the table and decided to dump the contents of their bowl outside through the window...all except for a few Smurfs, with Nabby sitting there just eating the food like there was no tomorrow.
"Here, Nabby, you have smurf my bowl," one of the Smurfs said as he passed it over to Nabby.
"And you can smurf mine, too," another Smurf said, passing his bowl over.
"Really? Oh, thanks...you're a real life smurfer," Nabby said.
"We could smurf the same about you," the first Smurf said as he watched Nabby start eating what was in the other bowls he was given. "Apparently, not every Smurf here smurfs the same questions about the quality of food that's being smurfed at our meals."
"That's Nabby Smurf for you...he eats everything, just like his brother," the second Smurf said, also watching Nabby eating away.
Soon the last of the Smurfs were departing from the dining hall, with Nabby licking his fingers to enjoy every last taste of the meal he had. "What's smurfing on with Greedy lately?" the first Smurf asked. "He normally smurfs us good food, but now it's been nothing but a lot of unsmurfy meals."
"Beats me," the second Smurfs said. "But if Greedy's going to smurf food this badly, I think it's time for us to smurf a new chef in the kitchen."
"You smurfed it," the first Smurf said. "And to think that we have all that smurf at the village dam today with nothing in our stomachs to keep us smurfing. If we don't smurf any good food soon, we're going to be smurfing like flies."
"I hate smurfing like flies," Grouchy said as he overheard the conversation.
"And so the Smurfs went out to the village dam to smurf some necessary repair work with Papa Smurf taking a break from his experiments to oversmurf the activity," Narrator said as he stepped into the scene again. "But all throughout the day, their minds were not smurfed upon their work."
And in the next scene, Papa Smurf watched as his little Smurfs were all struggling to do their individual tasks at the village dam, and failing in one way or another. They not only looked exhausted, but also distracted, as if they couldn't keep themselves focused on their tasks.
"Hey! Watch where you're smurfing!"
"Uh, sorry, Hefty, I was just smurfing a little dizzy."
"These rocks are just so hard to smurf."
"Is it me or these logs smurfing heavier?"
"I think I see the world smurfing around me."
"What I wouldn't give to smurf me one smurflicious bite of cake."
"And smurfs of spaghetti with smurfballs."
"Those leaves in the forest are starting to smurf pretty good right now."
"Pass me some more of those smurfed potatoes."
"Yeah, and smurf on the gravy."
Papa Smurf was seeing that the work was really progressing very slow, and that his little Smurfs weren't functioning at their best. He couldn't let them continue doing any work if this was how they were behaving.
He then took out his pocket whistle and blew it. "That's enough work for today, my little Smurfs," he announced in a loud voice. "You are free to smurf."
Every Smurf cheered as they dropped whatever it was they were doing and headed away from the village dam in one big group. "Quick! Let's see what Greedy is smurfing us for dinner," one Smurf said.
"Me first! Let me smurf!" another Smurf said as he raced ahead of the crowd.
They all soon reached Greedy's kitchen and entered, pushing past Greedy as they were eager to find out what is in the big cooking pot that's now heating up in the fireplace. But as one Smurf took the lid off the pot and looked inside it, he said, "It's the same smurf again this afternoon!"
The other Smurfs looked at Greedy in outrage. "WHAT? AGAIN?"
"Absosmurfly not smurfing that again."
"We don't want this horrible smurf."
"Yeah, go smurf your own food if that's what you want to smurf us."
"Hold on there," Greedy shouted. "You think it's easy smurfing this food for hours? If that's how you feel, then you can go smurf your own food for all I care."
"Smurf us something else to smurf, you smurfer," one Smurf shouted.
"Smurf him to me," another Smurf said.
And as Papa Smurf passed by the kitchen, he could hear lots of shouting as his little Smurfs sounded like they were coming to blows with Greedy. "What's all this fighting about, my little Smurfs?" he demanded as he entered the kitchen to break up the fighting.
"Greedy's been smurfing us with these unsmurfy meals and Smurf knows what else, Papa Smurf," one Smurf answered.
"He smurfs to poison us," another Smurf added.
"Oh, come, come," Papa Smurf said. "Are you sure you're not just exaggerating things a smurf?"
"You don't believe us?" the first Smurf said, handing Papa Smurf a bowl with the contents of the pot. "Here, have a smurf of this!"
Papa Smurf smelled what was in the bowl and didn't like it. "Euuhhh..."
"You see, Papa Smurf?" that Smurf said. "This is what we have to smurf day after day."
Papa Smurf then turned to Greedy, who was standing with his arms folded, looking every bit hurt. "Greedy, I know you're only trying to smurf your best, but you must see that your dish does have an unsmurfory appearance to it," Papa Smurf said.
"I can't help it, Papa Smurf," Greedy said. "How am I supposed to smurf a decent meal for my fellow Smurfs if the only kind of vegetables I have to smurf with are these?"
He handed Papa Smurf a carrot that looked rather weak and sickly, which the village leader then took and examined. "I'm not sure how you would be able to smurf a meal with these, Greedy," Papa Smurf said as he stroked his beard in thought. "I'll have to smurf a talk with Farmer Smurf and see what's been smurfing on with the vegetables that he's been smurfing."
And in the next scene Papa Smurf was standing at the edge of Farmer's fields with Farmer himself, addressing the issue of the rotten vegetables.
"Sweet mother of Smurf, I just don't understand it myself, Papa Smurf," Farmer said, showing Papa Smurf the type of crops he's been raising. "I've been smurfing these fields and this garden with all the love and attention that I could smurf. They don't lack any water or sunlight, and yet they smurf like this." He picked up a leaf from one of the vegetables growing in his garden. "Just smurf at this! It's such a shame to be smurfing my poor vegetables in this state. I really don't know what else I could smurf here."
"Maybe I could help, Farmer," Papa Smurf said. "I'll smurf a few plants with me into the laboratory to smurf what the problem could be."