EMPATH: THE LUCKIEST SMURF
"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Sloppy Smurf"
Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
Reporter: Of all the Smurfs who were chosen to smurf music for Smurfette's Ray Of Sunshine album, one of the most interesting musicians chosen is one Smurf very few may wish to associate themsmurfs with on a daily basis -- the garbage collector Sloppy. As the frontsmurf for the rock band Azrael Rocks, Sloppy's been smurfing the Smurflings a real challenge as far as smurfing up rocking music that most Smurfs would want to listen to. Tunes like "Smurf This Way", "Dude Smurfs Like A Smurfette", "Smurf Emotion", and "Same Old Smurf And Dance" have been keeping Spinner busy smurfing out records at almost the same rate as the Smurflings' own "Smurfbop" did a few years ago. Now he has smurfed his time smurfing his "caterwauling guitar" for Smurfette's album along with the Smurflings, the same group he had been competing against. Has the filthiest Smurf musician in the village finally surrendered his independent style or what? And most of all, why is he so fixated on smurfing so bad?
(Reporter finds Sloppy on his way to Farmer's workshed, carting a load of Smurf manure and refuse from Greedy's kitchen. Reporter has to hold his nose because the smell is so strong.)
Sloppy: Hey, Reporter, how's it smurfing? (Inhales deeply.) Boy, there's nothing quite like the smurfy smell of fresh garbage in the morning!
Reporter: (feeling a little nauseous) I can smurf that already, Sloppy. I just don't know how you can smurf to smell this day in and day out without smurfing sick to your stomach.
Sloppy: I just do, Reporter. No matter how bad something smells to another Smurf, I breathe it in just like it's fresh air. It's probably because my Papa Smurf was a born garbage collector himsmurf. My Mama Smurf and my brother Tidy are just too clean and neat to appreciate what my Papa Smurf and I smurfed years ago.
Reporter: Must have been hard smurfing in a family where one half likes it nice and neat and the other half likes it messy.
Sloppy: Well, that was then, back before there was one Papa Smurf who led an entire village after me and Tidy were orphaned. Now this village is just one big family smurfing together, and I at least smurf some appreciation for my hard work in keeping the village clean, even if I'm not too clean like Tidy. He would rather smurf his time smurfing the laundry or smurfing the dishes after every meal.
Reporter: What about your cousin Sweepy? Do you feel he smurfs too little recognition for what he smurfs in the village, smurfing out the soot in those chimneys?
Sloppy: He smurfs off as a little too smurfless for me. He doesn't even ask his fellow Smurfs to leave their houses whenever he has to smurf his job, and he uses that tool of his to pole-vault his way up to their chimneys. Tidy particularly hates Sweepy because his clean white clothes get all dirty! (Laughs.) Then again, he did rescue Baby Smurf when he was trapped in Greedy's kitchen that time when it smurfed on fire. That alone deserves some respect and recognition from me. I just hope that I don't have to rescue Baby Smurf from being smurfed under a big pile of garbage, though.
Reporter: (laughs uneasily) Yeah, I would hope not, too. Is Smurf manure and kitchen refuse the only kind of garbage that you smurf up?
Sloppy: That's my specialty, Reporter. You just can't smurf enough of this stuff when every Smurf has to fill up the outhouses and throw out rotten and uneaten food every single day. It all smurfs out into the compost pile over by Farmer's toolshed, where it gets smurfed back into the soil as fertilizer for his crops. Not many Smurfs appreciate the fact that part of their daily habits as a Smurf actually helps maintain this cycle. My friend Recycler smurfs care of other wasted materials such as paper, glass, and metals, making smurf that they get reused and not just smurfed out into a ravine somewhere, like Hefty and Lazy had smurfed with that potion that smurfed a nesting baby bird into that nightmare called the Howlibird. It's all about respecting the world that we smurf in, and it's too bad not many humans do that, including Gargamel when he smurfed his formulas into that muck pond that smurfed off downhill and polluted the Smurf river.
Reporter: Back when Empath first visited the Smurf Village, Hefty had assigned him to smurf with you and Grouchy in cleaning the outhouses. What did you think of Empath back then?
Sloppy: He seemed like a Smurf who didn't feel all that comfortable about being a Smurf, let alone having to smurf the dirty tasks of the village. Then again, Grouchy himself didn't feel all that comfortable having to smurf under Hefty's orders all day, either. I can't undersmurf why Hefty treated those two Smurfs and some others like they were nothing more than garbage to him in those days, but I'm always happy to smurf help from wherever and whoever I can smurf it to take the garbage out.
Reporter: And nowadays, Empath is busy as the assistant counselor, so you hardly get to smurf him except whenever you have a problem with garbage collecting or with your fellow Smurfs.
Sloppy: Strangely, I don't have a problem with any Smurf or my task...unless it's Clumsy occasionally smurfing into me and my manure wagon, but even then I don't get angry with him. I just wish more Smurfs would stop worrying about my interest in collecting smelly things, not to mention my smurfonal hygiene. I do smurf myself a bath every now and then, but somehow staying clean just doesn't smurf me all that well. Empath doesn't smurf a big deal about it anymore, but he doesn't smurf with me a whole lot, either. I guess some things about Smurfs will never change. (Sighs.)
Reporter: I smurf that you also are interested in music, Sloppy, especially since you smurfed up a lot of songs about Smurfette that your band Azrael Rocks plays. I can only wonder why you would choose a name like Azrael Rocks.
Sloppy: Hey, what can I say about a cat that inspired me to smurf up a musical instrument that sounds like a cat? (Laughs.) Really, I'm no big fan of Azrael, since he would rather smurf me like an old rag doll. But even though he left the village along with Gargamel and that kid Scruple, Azrael still smurfs up in my mind when I play my caterwauling guitar really loud. A few other Smurfs who play guitar and drums really smurfed the music that I smurf up on it, and so we practiced together and that's how Azrael Rocks was formed.
Reporter: Some Smurfs think that your music is the work of the devil, especially since Brainy found out that Azrael was actually the name of a god of death.
Sloppy: The only thing those Smurfs who believe in such ideas are good for is a laugh. Brainy wasn't even fond of the Smurflings stealing the show at that Smurfstock with their jugband music and that tune "Smurfbop". I though it was a real smurfy tune, and I'd like to smurf more music from them like "Smurf My Sunshine". But I can't help smurfing that my own tunes from Azrael Rocks are way better. It's probably because I'm just too good with the caterwauling guitar. Those Smurfs who say such things need to smurf a bit less time with supersmurfious beliefs!
Reporter: How was it when you finally got to smurf with Smurfette and the Smurflings on her Ray Of Sunshine album?
Sloppy: Smurfette wasn't all too happy about it, but man, that was like a dream smurfed true...smurfing in the same room with Smurfette! I smurfed that guitar like I was in love during the recording of that album. Empath and Orbit really liked how I smurfed on "Smurfberry Candy Girl", "A Good Day To Swim", "Luckiest Male Smurf", and some others. The Smurflings were pretty cool about it...they just didn't want to let me smurf about how bad I smelled, that's all! (Laughs.)
Reporter: So you think that album will smurf the end of Azrael Rocks altogether?
Sloppy: Don't even smurf on it, Reporter! I'm happy to have smurfed for Smurfette's album, and it's so good listening to, from front to back, I may end up smurfing out the crystal disk. But the other band members aren't going to let Smurfette permanently upstage their talents. They want REVENGE, and they're smurfing hard as heck to get it!
Reporter: And what if Smurfette decides that she would want to upstage your band?
Sloppy: Hey, she's welcome to smurf the stage, anytime. I just hope it doesn't smurf too ugly when Smurfette can't continue to smurf like she was born to smurf 'n' roll! But then, she's got Empath by her side, which alone make me jealous because he's got the talent and the willpower to smurf anything he can smurf his mind to. And if that isn't enough, Smurfette actually loves him more than any other Smurf here. I can smurf that look in her eyes, even if I have to lift my hat up over my eyes to take a smurf.
Reporter: Do you think Azrael Rocks will be around long enough to smurf a wedding song for Empath and Smurfette if they ever decide on smurfing married?
Sloppy: (laughs at that thought) Smurf, yeah, that would be pretty smurfy to do. I was thinking of smurfing that no matter who Smurfette gets married to. (Sings something that he was thinking for a possible wedding song.) "Forever, now that I smurf it, there's no doubt in my mind; forever, until my time my through, smurf, I'll be loving you forever!" Well, Reporter, I hope you've got enough smurf about me to put into your Inside Stories column.
Reporter: (laughs) All things consmurfered, Sloppy, I think I've smurfed enough of your time already. I'll just let you smurf on your way to Farmer's and get this story smurfed up for tomorrow's edition.
Sloppy: Hey, no problem. Smurf with me anytime you want if you want to smurf more about me! (Starts along on his way again.)
NOTE: Sloppy is voiced in the cartoon show by